This morning I realized that I have one other New Years tradition that I didn’t mention in my other post.  I didn’t mention it because I didn’t realize it was a tradition for me until this morning.  Every year, during the first few days of January, I find myself standing in front of my bookshelves searching for a devotional/daily reading book.  Every year I pull a book or two off of it’s shelf and open to that day’s reading and start to read.  I bet I open more books in the month of January than I do in any other month of the year.  As I was scanning for books this morning I was struck by this tradition and started to question why I do it.

I believe that my life is a part of a spiritual process.  This process is working it’s way out whether I am doing anything or not, but I want to participate in the process as much as I can.  I read and study the Holy Book as a part of the process to understand the history of my faith.  I read more contemporary books as a part of the process to understand how the history of my faith interacts with my life today.  I look and listen to the world around me as a part of the process to see the ways that GOD is working around me.

I want to participate in this process, but I feel as though I’m limited to the ways that I’ve already experienced participating.  e.g.: I make a plan to set aside time each day to read a devotional book and the Bible each day.  I try to communicate with GOD more.  I use things that already written to assist me along.  But by some time in late January, I’ve given up.

I anticipate this year being much like the previous years.  I’ll study and pray on a regular basis for the next month.  Start to skip a few days here and there.  Eventually I will loose any desire to study and pray regularly.

What frustrates me most about my attitude in all of this is that I realize that I am the type of Christian who I despise.  This shows me that I am looking for a quick spiritual fix.  If I don’t feel as though my life is changing in a matter of a few days, then I assume I’m doing something wrong.  I flip through the Bible expecting something to jump off of a page at me and speak to me right then.  I have turned into a Christian that is simply looking at GOD as something else to consume.  And maybe worst of all, I am perpetuating a justified form of the Health and Wealth gospel.

If you pray, please pray that I can be honest with myself.

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