I have been out of sync lately.  I have been looking for a lost rhythm, searching to find peace in my daily life.  It seems that the joy of writing is the first thing that I misplace.  Shortly behind writing is the peace that reading brings.  When I lose those two things my time is filled with wasteful things like wandering around the internet.  Eventually, I lose interest with the internet and stare at the screen, disheartened that there are no new emails in my inbox, nothing new on my Google Reader and no one talking with through Facebook.  What’s worse is that I have a Twitter account and a Skype account and these “means of connection” end up leaving me feeling even more disconnected.

I become paralized by a single, consuming thought.  It becomes hard to write about anything without being faced with what weighs on my mind.  I don’t want to read for fear that what ever I am reading will bring me face to face with what I am trying to avoid.

I don’t really know how to work through these feelings anymore.  I’m open for suggestions, as long as that aren’t vague, Christian answers like, “you should take it before GOD,” or “just read the Bible more.” I think it is those types of answers that have led me into this place to begin with.  Vague answers like that are a crutch that I have been taught to prop myself up with.  Reading the Bible, for instance, has become so difficult because I find myself so familiar with looking through the same old “evangelical” lens that I struggle to actually read the text without assuming the next verse.

I don’t need to dwell on this anymore right now.  I appologize if you read this and feel like I’m just pouting, but I needed to throw some words together to help me think this all through.  In the process of writing I’ve had a number of thoughts that I will hope to share in the near future.  (but let’s be honest, whenever I write that, it never happens.)

Here’s the prayer for the week from Scot McKnight:
Almighty and everlasting God, increase in us the gifts of faith, hope, and charity; and, that we may obtain what you promise, make us love what you command; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

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