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Today I have the day off. It’s been great. Is it wrong that I feel slightly bad for having such a good day when I know that my wife’s day is going far from great? If I could trade my great day for her bad, I would. If there was a way to give her part of my great to balance both of our days out I would do that too. Does anyone know how to make that happen?

This morning I played soccer, which quickly reminded me how out of shape I am. After picking myself off of our apartment floor I went to hang out with Greg at the YWAM base. Because I don’t have many days off, I wanted to take the time to spend with people who I don’t see often. Greg’s morning duties involve getting lunch ready, so I offered my onion cutting skills, and he took me up on it. It was good to hang out with him in the kitchen. We spent a lot of the morning talking about tithing and raising support. I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit lately. I’ve been thinking about how we as a small church tithe well. We don’t have a building to spend money on. Which is what the majority of church tithes go toward. Would we set up a checking account? Would any of the tithe stay within the church? Would we support people? Other ministries? How would we choose what would be the best use of the money we tithe together?

And then there’s the question of raising support. I know that God has called me into full time ministry, but I don’t see myself working for a traditional church right now. I’ve gone back and forth on the idea of asking people to support Lauren and I so that I could dedicate my time to ministry. I told Greg today that being able to do ministry full time would feel like cheating in a way. It would feel a bit strange to have people support me to do something that I would do for free (if the bills would pay themselves). There’s also the question of whether I would like support for is worthy of people supporting me. I suppose that in a way, that’s not my question to answer. I would have to account for my time, and I feel ok with that. If you were supporting me would you feel ok about me spending my day the way I am? Wake up at 5:15 to spend some time with God, help Lauren get ready for work from 6-6:30, soccer at 7, time with Greg (and other YWAMers ) in the kitchen from 9-2, talk on the phone with Lauren during her lunch, updating this blog for a while I am studying for this Sunday’s wrap up of the Sermon on the Mount, meeting with someone else at 4, then back to the apartment to clean and cook dinner before Lauren gets home. Well that’s about it I guess. I did go to the bathroom a few times. Is this a good use of my time? What if this was every day? I could go on and on in my questions. But I throw that out there.

Throughout my day I’ve been singing song from The Cobalt Season. I’ve recently started listening to them. You should check them out. I’m trying to convince Ryan to come out and play a house show or two, so maybe if you all buy an album or two he will realize that he should come out and hang out with us.

In Search of Unified TheoryCheck them out. Ryan’s wife Holly does the art work. Take the time to read the lyrics. It’s good stuff. One of my favorite lines is “Well Mom, I only wanted to be like Jesus, but it seems that I keep fucking up, and Dad, don’t write me off just yet I think I might be onto something here.”

Well that’s it for today. I’d love to hear some of your thoughts on any of this stuff.


Lauren loves daises.  I love giving them to her


I love trees. I wanted to let the tree be the focus of this painting.

The text comes from a verse in Isaiah 55:12, which says “You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; and the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.”

Trees of the Field Trees of the Field (close up of text)

I have some friends in a band called The Felix Culpa. They wrote a song called A Benediction. Here’s the lyrics to the song. I had the lyrics printed out and pasted on the canvas.

we’re all converts to the new faith,
the new church of commerce,
neither saints nor salesmen but somewhere in between.
and we’re dying as apostles,
to this the more tangible gospel,
but come payday we shall be redeemed.

we’re self serving in our mission,
using hand written ammunition,
to obtain for us this day our daily bread,
and we shall be fed.

it appears that there’s something missing,
what are we working for?
save your holy benediction,
for the ones who share your vision,
i’ve played martyr to a faith i never knew,
we’re surrounded by the teachings,
of prophets no longer breathing,
and a second thought was never looked into.
and i’m through.

we’ve been baptized in credit,
the eventual fate of the blessed,
for now we’re nothing more than what we owe.
and it shows.
it appears that there’s something missing,
what are we working for?
brace your holy institutions,
your supposedly fail-safe solutions,
protect your investment until she wakes and leaves.
buildings crumble, money burns,
who’s accounting for what you have earned?

only fools put faith in that which burns.
you make it look so easy.

A Benediction

Lauren has encouraged me to start painting. It’s pretty exciting. I’ve been in desperate need for something new, and this seems to be scratching right where I’m itching. I enjoy trying new things. I would consider myself a “jack of all trades, master of none” type, so trying on a new trade is exciting. I would also like to pick up the banjo, but I don’t have one to play right now. If you have one that you’d be willing to loan to me for a bit I would be thrilled.

Painting is something very different for me. I haven’t spent much time developing an artistic side to my life. So far I’ve put some paint on two canvases. I might take a few pictures of them and post them here for your viewing pleasure. I don’t know that my art is all that impressive. I wouldn’t expect to ever make a living on it. But there’s a sense of peace that I find when I’m painting. It’s rather addicting, too. I’ve already got an idea for the next canvas.


…since I’ve sat down to blog.  My four readers have probably given up on me by now.  It’s strange how life changes so quickly sometimes.  At the height of my blogging, I had aspirations of being the type of blogger who people can’t wait to see what I’ve written.  I wanted to be able to write about the humdrum and extract meaning and purpose.  I wanted to inspire.  I wanted to have a blog that I would be able to look back on a say, “that was well worth it.”  I wanted to have a blog that people wanted to read and reread.  It’s not as though I’ve wanted to become a writer.  I don’t think that I would make a good writer.  I have wonderful, convicting thoughts, but when I sit down to write or type them out their gone.  Occasionally, when I do get them out, I have worked them out in my mind so much that I just write a conclusion and skip over the whole process.  Strangely enough I do have a desire to write a book.  I’ve often thought that writing a blog would help me with that.

Lauren and I don’t have an Internet connection at our apartment, so posting is a bit difficult.  When I do find myself at a place with an Internet connection I would rather spend my time reading other peoples thought, than writing my own thoughts down.  I realize that I could write when I have time and post when I have the connection that I need.  That’s what I’m going to try to do.  I want to write more.  I want to blog more.  So, here’s a start again.

I’m making no promises, but I will try.

Marriage is beautifully difficult.

Two become one, what sense does that make?
How can I truly become one with another,
When I’m unsure of who I am?

The weakness sneaks in when I return to one. Alone. Again.
The strength comes from a commitment. A vow. A promise.
Yesterday, today and tomorrow a commitment. A vow. A promise.

I am now not meant to be alone.
I am now created to be with her and her with me.
In beautiful difficulty.


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