I haven’t been writing about my thoughts and questions about GOD lately. I’ve struggled to find the words to use. I’ve started countless posts only to trash them a few sentences in because the words that I was typing were not really the words in my head. I felt like all I could do was take a long, deep breath and wonder, “will I ever be able to figure this out?” For a large part of my life “figuring this out” meant finding the correct doctrine so that I could know the “right” things. I think that holding this view was really misguiding. As “correct doctrine” became my focus any understanding of GOD in a relational sense was pushed out of focus.
During my time away from the church I have been trying to relearn about GOD. This hasn’t been a very easy process. My understanding of GOD was so intertwined with my understanding of the church and orthodoxy that any negative aspects of the church would be reflected on GOD. So I’ve stripped away my understanding to a few things in hopes to discover GOD in a relational way. At this point if you were to ask me what I know or think about GOD my answer would simply be, “I think GOD is selfless, unconditional love.”
Earlier in the week I had a thought that centered around this thought. If you have spent much time in an evangelical church you may have heard of the book “The Five Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman. If you haven’t heard of the book, let me offer you a quick synopsis: Love, as we express it, can be understood in 5 different ways-Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts, and Acts of Service. We often use one or two of these “Love Languages” as the ways that we express love to each other as well as the way we receive love from others. Sometimes conflict can occur simply because we don’t understand how the people around us are expressing their love. As an example, say the way that I offer love is through Quality Time yet my wife receives love through Acts of Service. I may assume that by offering my time to be with her is a loving thing, but for her, she may not feel love until I vacuum the house. Understanding Love in this way can help us show and receive love.
So when I was taking the puppy for a walk earlier in the week I had this thought that I need some feedback on. If GOD is love than GOD encompasses all aspects of love and the reason we operate out of only one or two of these five “love languages” is because we are aren’t living in the wholeness we were created to. (this is using the assumption that Dr. Chapman’s book is true and there are only 5 expressions of love.) After thinking about this thought for a while I started to wonder if we, as humans, assume that GOD loves in only one or two of the five languages? Some people only think that GOD loves them if they are receiving “gifts from GOD.” Their view of GOD’s love is limited to whether or not they are being “blessed.” Other people speak of feeling “GOD’s touch” as an affirmation that they living in communion with GOD. I wonder if we gravitate towards an understanding of GOD that shows GOD expressing love in the way we tend to receive it most OR we don’t feel GOD is expressing love because we don’t see it in the ways that we receive love.
When I read through “The 5 Love Languages” I learned that the way that I receive love is through Words of Affirmation. This is what the website has to say about this language: “Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, ‘I love you,’ are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.” This leads me to wonder if my struggle with understanding GOD comes from is that when I think back on life I don’t remember times in my life when I heard, from GOD, that I was valuable or that I was GOD’s son. I long to hear these words and no amount of “blessings from above” will make me feel loved by GOD as much as hearing these words will.
What do you think? Does this line of thought about GOD being the completeness of love make sense? Do any of you feel like GOD isn’t expressing love to you in the way that you naturally receive it? I posted a link to the 5 Love Languages website above. On the site you can take a short quiz if you’d like to understand your own love language.
Peace.
16 comments
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December 26, 2009 at 2:48 pm
lucas
Those are really good thoughts. I’ve never made that connection and I think you are definitely on to something important. Of course, I think God’s love is beyond Chapman’s five categories. I also think human love is more than these five “languages.” I do find his ideas helpful in some ways by helping us think more about how we love and relate to each other.
What you are pointing out is how these ideas fail when we inadvertently apply them to God or even make them some sort of final arbiter in human love instead of a tool that is useful in some ways. Good thoughts brother.
December 27, 2009 at 9:53 am
stephen
Thanks for kicking things off, Lucas. I think you are right that these ideas fail when we try to shape them to fit GOD, so how do we go about learning how to Love? In our incompleteness we gravitate towards structure, rules, law (religion), do you have any thoughts on how to avoid this?
December 27, 2009 at 12:07 pm
lucas
As Christians our example of what God’s love looks like is Jesus. His teaching and life are our model for what the perfection of God’s mysterious ineffable love looks like with skin on.
I also think we have a difficult time being led by the Spirit. Derek Webb has some great lyrics on this topic, “A New Law” from Mockingbird is the best:
“don’t teach me about politics and government
just tell me who to vote for
don’t teach me about truth and beauty
just label my music”
rules can be helpful… i think the levitical laws about how to love the poor and the stranger are excellent examples. unfortunately the good laws or rules about how to love are very difficult to live out. learning to love like God is something we live into as human beings, not something we accomplish or arrive at.
December 26, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Kevin Beck
Stephen,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on love. In the little interaction we’ve had, I’ve found you to have a very thoughtful and courageous voice expressing authentic questions and real faith.
I agree that most (all?) of us have limited views and experiences of the divine. Your comment on not living with a sense of wholeness is right on. I’ve found this to be especially true in people embedded in institutional religions whose message is that we are all broken/fallen/separated. How can we ever fell whole if we believe we are inherently and wholly broken?
Also, I wonder if there is a point where our ideas about God fall into silence. That can lead us to wonder, mystery, compassion, and love.
Thanks and happy New Year.
December 27, 2009 at 10:09 am
stephen
Kevin, thanks for the kind words. A thought popped into my head as I was reading your comment. Bare with me. If, as we recognize our un-wholeness, we assume to find completeness with institutional religions (after all, for Christians the Church is called the Bride of Christ) and still feel un-whole, we may believe that GOD (the divine) has left us incomplete. However, if we had a friend who assumed that their life would feel complete after they were married, we would tell them that they are a fool. For those who attempt to find wholeness with institutional religions are seeking wholeness through an avenue that will never take them there. Do you have any thoughts on this? Is this even coherent?
Also, I do believe that there is a point where our ideas about GOD fall into silence. I think it would do us all some good to search that place as much as we try to seek GOD with sound.
December 26, 2009 at 7:51 pm
jovial_cynic
ha! I just bought that book for my mom for Christmas. I talked about how a simple understanding that different people respond differently to the same action makes relationships much easier to navigate, and that the book did a good job providing some *examples* of different ways in which people give and receive love.
Your reflections on your own understanding of God’s love for you are moving, as it shows a genuine desire to be loved; most people don’t realize that they want to be loved, appreciated, valued, etc., and as a result, they spend a lot of time unable to understand why they suffer from so much discontent.
For me, once it seemed real to me that God is Love, expressed through the sacrifice of Christ, it changed the way I viewed scripture. No longer was God merely a “conquering king,” but He was a suffering savior, one who carried the burden of a covenant with a stubborn and wicked people. In that, God’s anger in the Old Testament changed from appearing like an angry tyrant… to the heartbroken frustration of a parent having to discipline a child *for the child’s own good.* And then in the end, having to die for that child.
Continue to search, brother. I believe you are searching down the right path.
December 27, 2009 at 10:14 am
stephen
Hey Josh, good to see/read you again. I hope you and your family are doing well in the midst of finding a house. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on GOD’s anger in the Old Testament. I think that it is hard for some to understand how GOD can be love while existing in what seems to be sharp contrast to love throughout much of Israels (and the worlds) history. Over the past few years I have been trying to make the mental shift of understanding GOD’s interaction with history as the “heartbroken frustration of a parent” and it has radically shifted how I have read much of history. Thanks for reminding me of this again.
December 27, 2009 at 10:41 am
jovial_cynic
Thanks! Still house hunting. It’s not nearly as fun as I expected it to be.
My “radical shift” in perspective also came when I saw the dual nature of God, who manages to hold Justice and Mercy in the same hand. Consider when God threatened to destroy Israel when Moses came down from the mountain, and Moses pleaded with God to have mercy. But Moses functioned as a prophet, who (in that instance) spoke the words and heart as well. So in that conversation between Moses and God, what you are really seeing is God speaking *with Himself* and choosing Mercy over Justice for His people. Moses was not acting and speaking contrary to God’s will; Moses was living out this other side of God, which also cries out for Mercy in the face of Justice.
In the same way, in the face of a requirement for Justice, Christ lived out the full nature of God and pursued Mercy for God’s people.
December 26, 2009 at 9:59 pm
J Fowler
Hi Stephen,
Profound thoughts. I’m with you brother. I so want some more direct verbage from GOD. We all need that sense of validation from Him I think. I had a dream once that my Dad (who seemed larger than normal) was hugging me. I woke up weeping. Somehow I knew it was GOD.
My hope and prayer for you (and me) is that the Holy Spirit would ambush with very real and relevant experiences of the Father’s love in ways that we can personally receive.
I often think GOD doesn’t speak my love language. Slowly I’m seeing He does love me. But it’s hard to accept.
shalom brother!
-Jason F
December 27, 2009 at 10:22 am
stephen
Jason, thanks for sharing. I have had the sentence “that the Holy Spirit would ambush with very real and relevant experiences of the Father’s love in ways that we can personally receive” in my head since I first read it. What a beautiful prayer. One that I hope will be with me for a long while.
December 26, 2009 at 11:38 pm
lauren
I think that, just as each individual personality represents a distinct facet of God’s character, the fact that specific individuals experience love in their own way follows suit. I agree that there are likely many more ways to show love than the 5 listed in the book, and it makes sense that people embody each form of love that exists, making up the wholeness of ultimate Love. It is certainly beneficial to grow in different areas of love (both giving and receiving), but I really appreciate the language differences between people. No one person can become fluent in all languages of love–that would likely make him God. There is beauty in our shortcoming. I completely agree that God is Love (I believe that more each day), so striving for that Love is perhaps our primary goal as humans, but I doubt we will achieve it in this life.
Excellent thoughts, my dear.
December 28, 2009 at 10:00 am
stephen
It looks like this theme will only allow for 2 additional reply threads per comments. So I’ll continue down here:
December 28, 2009 at 10:08 am
stephen
Lucas- I love that Derek Webb album. I think he is a prophet for the American Church. I agree with you that rules can be helpful, but I wonder if GOD is really a “rule making GOD” or if that is just an aspect of GOD’s character when interacting with humans? I’ve more recently thought about the Levitical laws as GOD’s way of showing people GOD’s character. Although there are times when this thinking seems to fall apart. I mean, what part of GOD’s character is understood by not eating shellfish? yet laws about caring for the poor, oppressed, and widowed are characteristics so closely connected with GOD that it’s hard not to see GOD when those people are cared for.
Thanks for the additional thoughts. I think I’m going to go listen to some Derek Webb now.
December 28, 2009 at 4:27 pm
Lucas
Yeah i don’t think of God as a rule making God either. i think even the dietary laws have something revelatory to say about God… within their context. my point about the levitical laws, particularly the sabbath laws (Deut 15 and Lev 25) is that God explicitly expects that we will fail. Deut 15:18 has always jumped out at me, “Do not consider it a hardship to set your servant free.” It’s assumed that these “rules” are beyond us. We will fail at them. The point is not the rules or to make us perfect. The point is to show us the way. That’s what I mean about rules being helpful. They cease being helpful when we worship the rules instead of the way to which they point. Even the rules themselves are not the way, but they do point us there.
does that make sense?
December 28, 2009 at 10:47 am
stephen
Josh- I love the idea of GOD speaking with himself when speaking with a prophet. I’ve never heard this thought before, but I’m really interested in pursuing it. What a beautiful explanation of how GOD chooses to justice and mercy. Thanks.
December 28, 2009 at 2:07 pm
jovial_cynic
I’ve only begun exploring this idea of God’s internal conversation recently. For me, it’s the only way to understand the righteous man’s request for God to relent in His wrath. Godly men ask God to withhold judgement… because God Himself wishes to withold judgement. If this were not the case, a plea for mercy would be “contrary” to God’s will, and that makes no sense. God’s people, when living in the Spirit, are acting out God’s desire.
God seems intent on preserving a remnant so that the *other side* of His will be maintained on earth. And in the Revelation, the fullness of God’s wrath on the earth seems to occur in the absence of the Church.
It just all seems to add up.