there is hope.
I’m falling back in love,
with scribbling ink on paper.
with sitting quietly while sipping coffee.
with being still in the middle of the day.
with making eye contact with people I pass on the sidewalk.
with dreaming of the future without forgetting today.
with the smell of books.
and humid air.
and silent morning walks.
Some photos from my recent life.
I don’t often find myself thinking about Myers Briggs personality types. Perhaps that is simply an aspect of my own personality. But over the past few days I’ve been thinking about mine a lot. I’m an ENFP, which may be an “Ah-ha” kind of moment for some or a “huh?” to others. The ENFP stands for Extroverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving. Here’s a little blurb on my personality to bring you up to speed. (Feel free to jump down past the quote if you are already bored.)
As an ENFP, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. Your secondary mode is internal, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit in with your personal value system. ENFPs are warm, enthusiastic people, typically very bright and full of potential. They live in the world of possibilities, and can become very passionate and excited about things. Their enthusiasm lends them the ability to inspire and motivate others, more so than we see in other types. They can talk their way in or out of anything. They love life, seeing it as a special gift, and strive to make the most out of it. ENFPs have an unusually broad range of skills and talents. They are good at most things which interest them. Project-oriented, they may go through several different careers during their lifetime. To onlookers, the ENFP may seem directionless and without purpose, but ENFPs are actually quite consistent, in that they have a strong sense of values which they live with throughout their lives. Everything that they do must be in line with their values. An ENFP needs to feel that they are living their lives as their true Self, walking in step with what they believe is right. They see meaning in everything, and are on a continuous quest to adapt their lives and values to achieve inner peace. They’re constantly aware and somewhat fearful of losing touch with themselves. Since emotional excitement is usually an important part of the ENFP’s life, and because they are focused on keeping “centered”, the ENFP is usually an intense individual, with highly evolved values. Because ENFPs live in the world of exciting possibilities, the details of everyday life are seen as trivial drudgery. They place no importance on detailed, maintenance-type tasks, and will frequently remain oblivious to these types of concerns. When they do have to perform these tasks, they do not enjoy themselves. This is a challenging area of life for most ENFPs, and can be frustrating for ENFP’s family members.
I wrote at the beginning that I don’t usually thing about my personality type, but when I do I am reminded of two things: 1. I am driven by deep sense of values. and 2. If I cannot connect something with these values it becomes less and less of a priority to do it. I jump head first into something that interests me. I’ll read and research and experiment and talk about the things that I’m passionate about. This blog is a small outlet for that, but if you know me in person this would make all the more sense. My wife, an ISTJ, can attest to this. In fact, she is probably smirking and rolling her eyes as she reads this. It has only been in the past few years that I have embraced this part of my life and have tried to find ways to celebrate it.
When I get something in my head it can consume me. All of this should bring you up to speed on my past week. I found this posting for a hotel/restaurant in New England looking for a farmer. It’s nearly an ideal position for me. We’ve traded emails and I’m waiting to hear back from him. I’m trying to get some more information about their expectations. I don’t know whether or not they would think I’m qualified to come out and farm for them. I don’t know a whole lot about what they are looking for, but I’m driving myself crazy thinking about it. I check my inbox with an anticipation of finding an email from them with more information. I’ve been thinking non-stop about what would happen if they wanted me to come out there to work. Would we stop school for this opportunity or hope another comes around?
I’m consumed by these thoughts; I wish I could simply let it go, but I don’t know how. Does this make me sound crazy?
Last Friday I took my final for the Organic Chemistry class I took this summer. What a relief to be done with that class. Now I get two weeks of summer vacation until fall classes start. Life is good.
The busyness of the summer has caught up to me. I feel exhausted by the end of each day, toss and turn through the night only to wake up tired each morning. I trick myself into thinking that I need to keep going. That I need to check things off of my never ending list. I’ve come to believe that my list is self-inflicted busy-work. I forget how to slow down. How to be still. How to relax. Perhaps it is my own restlessness that pushes me into a sense of spiritual apathy that I have been experiencing for a while now.
All goes back to the earth,
and so I do not desire
pride of excess or power,
but the contentments made
by men who have had little:
the fisherman’s silence
receiving the river’s grace,
the gardener’s musing on rows.
I lack the peace of simple things.
I am never wholly in place.
I find no peace or grace.
We sell the world to buy fire,
our way lighted by burning men,
and that has bent my mind
and made me think of darkness
and wish for the dumb life of roots.“The Want of Peace” The Selected Poems of Wendell Berry (Washington, D.C.: Counterpoint Press, 1998), 29
Do you ever get an idea in your head that wont go away. A thought that consumes you regardless of where you are or what you are doing? Let me tell you about my current thought. I’ve been thinking about the likelihood of being able to grow enough food in part of our back yard for a 4 (or so) member CSA. CSA stands for community supported agriculture. It’s a farming model in which a person will buy “shares” of the farm for a season. In early spring people would pay the farmer their membership money, then every week throughout the growing season the person would pick up their “share” of veggies. CSAs are great ways for people to connect with their food, and it helps the farmer financially during the beginning of the season. Every CSA is a bit different because every farm across the country is different, but it’s common to see a 20 week CSA charge $500. Studies have been done to research the cost breakdown of the CSA model vs. grocery and natural food stores and the CSA always proves to be a cheaper option. The downside is that you have to be able to put the money up in the beginning of the season, and if devastating hail comes through and wipes out the farmers crops, then that affects the food the people will get that week.
I’ve had a few conversations with some friends about me growing veggies for them, but it didn’t really click until Friday. I was talking with my friend Chris and when he asked about buying any extra veggies I had in my garden my mind went right to a backyard CSA. We have about a 20′ x 100′ strip of land behind our fence that is technically part of our property. Our landlord is happy for us to take the fence down and use the land, but she isn’t really interested in having more grass. She’s said that if we wanted to convert the reclaimed land into a garden, she would be on board with that. For the last two days I’ve been thinking of taking the fence down, turning compost into the soil, and sewing a cover crop/green manure into the ground to start preparing the soil for working it next year. I’ve been wondering if I could grow enough in that space for 2 or 4 shares (a full share is generally meant for 4 people), which might mean growing for 8-12 people. I’ve been thinking about how to irrigate back there. I’ve been thinking about how I would charge people. And the most consuming thoughts have to do with whether or not this is a ridiculous idea.
What do you think? Is this a ridiculous idea? If you had a friend willing to grow veggies for you in his backyard would you trust him enough to pay him to do it? I need your thoughts.
[Editor's note: I started this post about a month ago. The day before the first hail that decimated my garden and my positive outlook on life. I had a rough couple of weeks bouncing back from the weather. This post is unfinished, but it can offer a bit of an update for those of you looking for one.]
The past month has brought new life to my soul. I’ve tried to put a finger on it, but I don’t know if there have been specific things that have caused the change for me. Here’s a couple of highlights for you.
The stress of my 19 credit spring semester ended much better than I expected. I don’t know if this is because my professors were extra lenient with grading the final papers and exams, or if I had finally felt confidence in the material we had been covering all semester. I had a pretty heavy load with a lot of 100 level classes I needed to get out of the way. I felt like I struggled more with my 100 level plant biology class than I did with a 400 level vegetable production class I took last fall. I think this is because I have a really hard time getting my head around information at the microscopic level, but if I can put my hands on something I have a much better grasp on it. The majority of classes that I’ll need to take are the hands on/ I can see with my naked eyes what’s going on type classes, so I’m pretty excited about those. I will be taking Organic Chemistry over the rest of the summer. The class will start in a week and run for 8 weeks. I wouldn’t say I’m looking forward to this class at all, but I’m glad I’ll be taking it by itself. And I’ll be glad to be done with it.
I started a summer internship about a month ago. I’m working on an 8 acre, certified organic farm that has a 75 member CSA program as well as does research on green manures, no-till planting, organic hops production, and variety trials of a bunch of different vegetables. I really like being able to be out on the farm every day. I love the feeling of dirt under my nails and the sun on my face. I love the fact that my body reminds me of the work I’ve accomplished. I love the rhythm that cultivating land leads too. To be honest, there has certainly been a fair share of hard, frustrating work. I spent nearly an entire week fighting with drip tape for our irrigation system. I would try to unroll the tape off of a spool (that would inevitably get snagged on itself), walk off 450 feet of tape (the length of a single row), hook up the tape, and then try to patch all the holes. Four days of this drove me crazy. I’ve also had a good amount of time to work on tasks like weeding, which allow me time to do a lot of thinking. Having the chance to work on a farm is giving me great fodder for thinking about issues surrounding organic, local, and sustainable food systems. I started another blog as a way of focusing my thoughts on these issues as well as reflecting on my time on the farm. It’s called Field and Table and you should click the link and join me over there, too.
I’ve been driving less and less these days. We live about a 1.5 miles from campus and about 9 miles from the farm. There’s a grocery store about a block away, and Old Town Fort Collins is about 3 miles away. Because of the close proximity to the majority of things that I do or need on a regular basis I’ve been able to bike or walk most days. I have an old Gary Fisher mountain bike that I’ve been riding since 1996. It’s served me well. It traveled with me through 4 states and has been a reliable work horse, but it’s pretty outdated as far as components go. I had been looking for a bike to replace the Fisher; one that would be a bit more road worthy. The knobby tires on the Fisher are great if I’m hitting up a single track or wanting to hop off a curb or roll down some stairs, but it sucks energy when I’m rolling on pavement. I thought about getting a new set of rims and tires with some road slicks on it, but the gearing was still set up for mountain rides. I started looking for something used, but didn’t really find what I was looking for. I wanted a bike that I could have a rack and bags set up on the back and maybe one day have a trailer to pull behind. L and I stopped at Full Cycle and I found the perfect bike for what I wanted. I rode a few different models and fell in love with a Kona Dew. It sat right in my modest price range, and had most of what I was looking for. I slapped some fenders and a rack on it. I’m looking around for a pannier for the rack, but I’m not sure I really want to shell out $120 for something that I might not use all that much. Here’s a pic:
Pretty slick huh? I think it needs a name, though. Any suggestions?
Let’s see, what else… Oh yeah, the weather, more specifically, the rain! It has been a wonderful month of spring weather. With the unusual amount of rain we’ve seen over the past month I’ve been reminded of how much I miss rainy weather. For nearly 5 years I have been slowly forgetting what it’s like to live in wet climate. I’m certain that the cool, rainy weather wont stick around for too much longer, but I sure am enjoying it while it’s here. Since it’s been raining so much, I’ve gone out to buy a new book to read. It’s been great to sit and read and listen to the sound of rain. Also, the rain has reminded me that if I will have a farm of my own one day, the dry climate of Colorado is not for me. Because of the small amount of annual rainfall we receive, farmers are forced to rely on irrigation to ensure that the crops are getting all the moisture they need, but the water laws are so ridiculous and the cost for water rights are so expensive it makes it really difficult for a young farmer to secure the water that they need. I’ve got a few more years before I need to really think about all that stuff, so I’m enjoying the rain while it’s here.
I really love this time of year. My weeks are long and filled with exhausting work, and when the weekend arrives I can rest. I haven’t had this feeling in a while. Throughout the school year my weeks are filled with classes and homework (and a little work), but when the weekend arrives I don’t feel as though I am really resting from anything. Perhaps that’s because I still have home work and projects to work on, but I think it’s largely due to the fact that my body isn’t engaged in physical labor like it is now. Winter itself is a form of rest from all the work done throughout the rest of the season, but over time I get antsy to stretch and tare muscles that generally are underused. When winter slowly turns to spring and then summer and carries into fall my body and spirit rejoices in the work that’s needed to be done.
I’m not very good at resting, though. For such a simple sounding thing, it can be quite elusive at times. I feel the need to do something. To check something off of a list. To accomplish something. But that is not rest. So I force myself to sit and be still. To listen to the sounds of the world around me and to the voice of GOD speaking in a gentle breeze. Last weekend I felt very restless in my attempt to rest. I decided to go for a bike ride. I grabbed an apple, some water, and a book and took off with no purpose in mind. I rode in the direction that the road guided me, and in spite of the 25 miles I rode I felt rest. At times I had to remind myself that I didn’t need to push myself. I needed to slow down and enjoy what I was doing. The bike ride wasn’t a means of transportation; it was the purpose.
I still find myself waking up early on weekend mornings. I might be able to sleep in until 7, but that’s usually it. I don’t mind, though. The mornings are peaceful and generally quite. Songs of crickets and birds slowly crescendo as the morning moves on. During the business of the week I stockpile articles and blog posts that show up on my Google Reader account or through recommendations given by my Twitter friends. Saturdays are days for me to sit with a cup of coffee and read through things I didn’t have time for during the week. I really like that. Waiting until Saturday also allows for a type of “time filter.” On a Tuesday I might save an article thinking that I will really want to spend time with it, but by the time I get to it over the weekend it seems much less important.
I spent a little time this morning reading an article on The Jesus Manifesto blog. Their blog is one of a handful of Christian blogs I still follow because their voice cries out against much of the marriage between the Kingdom of GOD and the Kingdom of man. So many “Christian” blogs seem to be trying to evangelize Christianity though the American Dream. That doesn’t sit too well with me, and The Jesus Manifesto people live in a way that challenges that. Here’s some links to a 3 part series:
Part 1: “Come to me, all ye who labor for a living.”
Part 2: “Freely you have received, freely give.”
Part 3: “It is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.”
Another exciting thing for my upcoming weekends will be cheese making. Are you really surprise? L and I are now participating in a form of food activism by drinking raw milk. Raw milk you ask? I’m working on a post to explain all of this a bit clearer but here’s the gist. Milk that is bought in a grocery stores has all been pasteurized, which means that the milk is cooked for a period of time at about 160 F. Like cooking any foods, nutrients are lost in the process. A benefit to the pasteurization process is that it lasts longer because there is less living bacteria in the milk itself. (Bacteria is not a bad word, here. There are good bacteria and bad bacteria. The goal is to have enough good bacteria to kill the bad.) Food scientists have used Ultra-High Pasteurization to allow milk to last for months…on the counter. That really creeps me out. Because raw milk is not pasteurized it has a shelf-life of about a week. Our lovely USDA has decided that raw milk is unsafe and therefore cant be sold. Every state has a different law on raw milk ranging from straight-up illegal to acceptable to sell if the dairy has a permit. In Colorado the law says that you can drink raw milk from a cow that you own. So we now own part of a cow and are legally allowed to drink raw milk. Now that we have a source of good, fresh milk I can start making cheeses. A while back, when a few dear friends were up for a visit we made some ricotta cheese and then made homemade ravioli. It was a lot of fun. I’ll be stocking up on rennet and cheese cloths and molds so if you want to come over and make some cheese with me let me know.
It’s 8am now. Time to make some pancakes. But I’ll leave you with a question. Is resting an easy thing for you?
peace.
This afternoon a big storm came through and along with it pea sized hail. We weren’t home when it it came through, but from the looks of it it hailed for some time. I lost my entire garden. Tomatoes, eggplants, yellow squash, zucchini, cucumbers, beans, bak choi, red cabbage, broccoli, broc rabb, orach, peas, spinach, and arugula. Not to mention daises, lavender, verbena, lobelia, and a few other flowers. Here’s some pictures of the damage:
I’m really sad that all the work and effort I put into starting all the plants from see was destroyed in a few minutes of hail. Some plants I wont be able to put back in the garden. Peas, for instance wont grow fast enough to get a harvest from before it gets too hot for the plants to set fruit. I don’t think I’ll be able to grow tomatoes from seed starting this late in the season. I think I’ll be able to put everything else back in, but it was frustrating because I was really close to being able to harvest some things. It’s sad I lost my garden, but I’m worried for some of my fellow farmers whose farms are right in the path of the storm. I hope that they didn’t see this kind of damage. It’s sickening to think that a 30 minutes storm could wipe out months of work.
Oh well, I guess tomorrow I’ll start cleaning things up and planting again.
Did you spend your summers playing “out back” in homemade costumes? Did you make up games to play that involved combining sports equipment from multiple sports? Did you write a script and act out your own version of Star Wars and record it on your parents 8mm camera? If you answered yes to any of these, then you probably grew up without the internet.
Today’s great example comes from Paul Soupiset:
Thirty years ago this summer, a cinematic tour-de-force hit the big screen. The year was 1979 and the country’s science fiction psyche was sandwiched in the liminal space between the first and second Star Wars releases. America needed more. And we gave them Laser Wars.
In the back yard / backlot of our childhood home in San Antonio, my brother Mark and I grabbed my grandfather’s Bell & Howell Super8mm movie camera, wrote a script, cast neighborhood friends, created paper-plate flying saucers, and tin-foil constellations. We had just turned 10 years old, and we were ready for the fame and fortune a space movie would bring our way.
To get the full experience, go to his blog and watch the video. To enhance the experience, it might be helpful to get a big glass of KoolAid and drink until you have a red mustache. Enjoy.
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